It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Randomize
