she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
