lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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