I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
