just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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