Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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