There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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