the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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