I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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