Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
