Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
