The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
