just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
