Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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