Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i barfeds in our rink
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
