Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
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She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
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pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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