There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
