I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
