I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
