Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
