yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
