you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
