porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
