my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
