I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
