Do you still have your period?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
