mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
