ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Damn victory sex feels great
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
