Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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