so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She bit a glass in half.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
