This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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