Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
