the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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