I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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