the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
