Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
