I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
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i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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