I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
