Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
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I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
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He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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