Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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