I can't watch pbs sober anymore
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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