Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Gay?
German.
Pity.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
