a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
