Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
