You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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