my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
