my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
