I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
