You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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