So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
