cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
