my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
no, he came in my armpit
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
