2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
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I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
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I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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