Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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