Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
