i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
