Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
