I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
