I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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