forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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