"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
