Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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