I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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