"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
