well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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